Humpty Dumpty Fell Off A Wall
by Xin0Lan
Summary: It was a dark and stormy night, but Sherlock decided to drag his best friend in a chase after criminals. Fortunately all the king's men could put Humpty Dumpty back together, but then came the dreaded ultimatum: housebound until fully recovered. It would be a test of endurance and patience. Would they all survive it? NO slash, vulgarity, character deaths, or hinted subtext!
1. Sat on a Wall

_A-N_ For the one who asked: Caring for a stubborn man who gets himself into trouble far too many time. _

_Enjoy. _

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**Chapter 1 **

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"John! You're so slow! Go faster! " Sherlock bellowed at the two men tagging along with him on the criminal chase, "Lestrade! You're lagging behind. Don't want to loose them now, do you?"

John sighed then prompted, "Left. Now," as he took the turn himself and threw a glance behind to make sure the two were following. "Sherlock, go straight. I'm coming with you. Lestrade, you cut right at this entrance and wait for us to herd them to you and the officers."

"On it!" The inspector beckoned his team then took off in a sprint down the alley.

Sherlock froze and waved his hand frantically in the air summing a map of the area. "John, where are the fools now?" Said man saw the criminals dash down the alley in front of them. "Just straight ahead Sherlock, went right past the old boulangerie shop that was destroyed in the fire."

A faint smile came across Sherlock's lips as he walked to the left side until his hand hit something wet and cold and exclaimed, "Perfect! This is faster John. Come! Get up here. Quick! If we take this, we can get there to stop them. Herding them to the end where Lestrade is good, but there is the alley shortcut they could escape through."

"Are you crazy Sherlock! It only stopped raining a couple hours ago, and the sun is nearly gone! I am not getting up there. It is dark and slippery, not to mention getting chilly because SOMEONE made us run around in this weather." He tried to pry Sherlock's hand off the wet wall, but the man kept an iron grip on the cold stone.

"John we don't have time! It has to be this way to guarantee their arrest. Now come on! They're slow runners, but even the slowest one will be gone before we can even get to them if we don't go after them right now. Get off me! " He shrugged John's hand off his shoulder, hoisted himself up the side, and started walking in a quick pace. "If you're not coming then go to Lestrade and help him with keeping the alley shortcut secure."

John rolled his eyes and regretted every second he stood there letting his best mate drag him further into this case. "Wait. You're only going to hurt yourself. Sherlock! Stop, give me your hand. Besides, I can't climb with my bad shoulder." The consulting detective supported his friend up then continued his brisk speed with the doctor close on his heels. "Good, don't go too fast Sherlock. It's wet. Watch, here's a break in the wall. Give me your hand to cross it." Making good time, the two "eggs" managed to come close behind the criminals.

_We need all the help ever possible to make it out of this case alive. There is no way I can convince Sherlock otherwise. Who goes running after criminals on a wall anyway when it is wet, slippery and freezing?!_

The crisp deep voice broke John's train of thought, "Do you see them? Where are the hey heading?"

"There," he turned his friend in the direction and waved frantically to Lestrade, who was only standing metres away. "Lestrade! Block the entrance! There!" The officers braces themselves per the Inspector's orders whilst he rushed over to the two fools still briskly walking on the wall, "What in the world are you two doing up there!? Get down before you fall to your death! Do you realise how dumb you two can be at times? Running on a wet stone wall in the dark!? Get down now before something happens!"

John shouted back without breaking his stride, "Yeah...I am only here because I don't want him to hurt himself. You know how that goes...This is incredibly dumb thinking, but he wouldn't be persuaded otherwise and...Sherlock! A break! Stop!" The detective stopped at hearing the urgency of John's warning, but lost his footing on the said break in the wall causing him to tumble off.

Warning bells, flashing lights and screaming sirens calling out "Red Alert" echoed in John's mind as he saw the whole thing play out in slow motion.

His brains and lungs ceased working for a moment.

"Nooo! Sherlock!"

He lunged for his friend, but missed the hand only by a few centimetres. Before he even had a moment to feel any sort of emotion, the momentum of his lunge plummeted the doctor's body off the wall and nearly on top of the unconscious consulting detective. It was only by some creative and frantic twisting during the fall which caused him to hit the ground instead.

Lestrade was over the two men in a split second examine their injuries whilst dialling for the paramedic on stand-by for this case. It became standard procedure after a certain someone decided to go pick a fistfight with a crazed criminal without letting anyone know of his disappearance.

_Why don't those two ever do anything sensible? It's bad enough with one, but with two?! I knew something bad would happen. Ugh!_

Humpty Dumpty and his best mate were rushed to hospital with Lestrade left to handle to criminals and Donovan to call Mary.

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**A-N: I do not plan for this to be a very long story, no more than ten chapters- maximum.**

**Watching Over Each Other**** and ****You Have Always Counted**** have both been updated. **


	2. Laid in Bed

**Chapter 2**

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Lestrade was over the two men in a split second examine their injuries whilst dialling for the paramedic on stand-by for this case. It became standard procedure after a certain someone decided to go pick a fistfight with a crazed criminal without letting anyone know of his disappearance.

Why don't those two ever do anything sensible? It's bad enough with one, but with two?! I knew something bad would happen. Ugh!

Humpty Dumpty and his best mate were rushed to hospital with Lestrade left to handle to criminals and Donovan to call Mary.

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Molly gripped her mobile so tight, her knuckle turned ghost white, Mary's state was not any better. Any hopes of trying to calm the two women were to no avail. Donovan sat with the two and briefed them on what happened not more than an hour ago, then left to go inform Mrs. Hudson. Meanwhile, John's colleagues were frantically rushing around the hospital room gluing Humpty Dumpty and his friend back together again after they fell off the wall.

_What fools they were to even be up there in the first place! They will not be let off easy for doing this. _

Humpty Dumpty quite literally did fall off a wall, thankfully it wasn't terribly tall. Yet, it was tall enough for him to break his leg, and to give himself a nasty concussion - a painful reminder so he won't forget how much of an unintelligent person he could be at times. More often as so than not. A genius who doesn't have common sense.

The pathologist couldn't decide whether to wring his neck at such a idiotic stunt, or celebrate the fact he didn't die or snap his spine. His Mary, likewise, couldn't decide whether to scold him till hoarse for letting such a thing terrible happen, or celebrate the fact a concussion was all he got from this foolishness.

"How dare he do that do me! To us! What was he thinking? Any sensible person wouldn't even have dreamt of doing what he did!" Molly vented her frustration to Mary. "I understand Molly, I will have a serious talk with both as soon as they are coherent making sure this doesn't happen again. ever. Scaling walls, tall building, or any other surface not intended for climbing- it is strictly prohibited." Mary shook her head emphatically to make her point. "Look, the doctor!"

One of John's fellow doctors came up to the women with a faced masked of all emotions. It was impossible to tell what other news he would bring. "Hello, the men's conditions are stable, you may go to them now. The last door on the left side. I will come by later to monitor their progress." The two women rushed to the room eager to find out every last detail for why they need to act like idiots in the first place.

-:-

The staff, under the "strong suggestion" from the British Government, had organised a room with two hospital beds and a small table in between it for John and Sherlock. Upon entering the dimmed room, the women found the two "eggs" quietly resting with their hands folded like in prayer across their chest. Any passerby would have thought the two patients well behaved sleeping, but that didn't fool Molly or Mary, who knew better.

Mary went over to her husband tapped his shoulder gently and whispered," You can drop the act, it's not working. I've known you long enough that acting like a "perfect little angel" is something you're not capabable of doing. Far too devious for that trick. You know what's coming and nothing you do will save you from it." She planted a quick kiss on his bruised cheek as John opened his eyes, squinting from the light burning into them. "Hello Mary. I'm glad you're here. It was worth a shot though. You know, to soften the punches a bit, I hope. Hello Molly. What exaggeration did the Yard tell you about us? Honestly, it wasn't as bad as they probably said it was."

Before either could answer, an exasperated muffle came from a plastered up Humpty Dumpty, "Everything. They exaggerate everything. Never trust the Yard for the whole truth, tend to only tell half the information." Molly laughed and rolled her eyes, "I'm glad to see this little stunt didn't damage your ever charming demeanor or humour." Everyone laughed expect for one that scowled and crossed his arms angrily. Well, there goes the 'perfect little angel' image...

John turned to look at Sherlock. It was his first time to get a good look at how his best friend was faring without the effects of the drugs playing on his mind. Sherlock had his share of scratched and brusies, maybe even a few more too. Most obviously, though, was the broken leg, the right one to be specific. It was well tended to and would heal fine provided that Sherlock wouldn't defy the doctor's orders for recovering...like that was going to happen.

"Hand me Sherlock's chart please," John asked in his nicest voice. His wife was already on edge for being the the hospital room, anything or everything might set her off and he really was trying to get back on her good side. "What are you doing with my chart John! You've got your own. Why do you want mine?" Sherlock flicked his writst in annoyance toward the other patient.

"Yes. I have my own, but mine won't explain the detail of YOUR broken leg. I want to know what the doctor's made notes of." John held out his hand exptectantly and added "please, may I?" Molly handed it to him and started reading over his shoulder. She squinted trying to make out letter from the scribbles.

"John, read it to me." Sherlock demanded like his usual loving self. Molly smacked his hand softly, but it still left quite a sting, "Be nice! Say please and don't order people around."

"Fine. Please John. Happy now?"

Mary pulled up two spare chairs in the room and placed in the space between the two beds and offered Molly one of them. The more John read aloud the more lines of concern deepend in his expression. Surprisingly, Sherlock had remained silent and didn't offer any smart remarks about the doctor's life history based on his writing style or vernacular. Broken bones weren't necessarily life-threatening and certainly mendable with the proper tool and enough time. However, because the patient with the broken leg was Sherlock, and falling off a wall wasn't the most typical of reasons for broken bones things were not so 'cut and dry'.

"It's a terrible inconvience this broken leg is. How long until we can go home? How long have I been here? Did Lestrade tell you about the case we were in the middle of before all this happened? Don't roll your eyes at me! I know you just did. All of you!" Sherlock fired to the other three in the room as soon as John closed his chart. Said three shared 'the look' and shrugged, it was annoying when Sherlock was right even without seeing it happen. He knew the details of their behaviours too well.

"Really Sherlock? You're asking about the case and about going home? No, you're not going home for at least another day. That's to say if you cooperated with the nurses," Molly replied forcefully, "the bone broke in an interesting fashion, so it will take quite a lot of time for it to heal properly. Don't think this will be a quick setback, it isn't going to be at all."

He let out a pitiful whine followed by an angry howl and flung his arms off the side of the bed swing it back and forth, "but I'm soo bored already, and my leg feels funny. My head hurts too. I think the doctor's didn't repair the bone right."

"Don't whine! You're making MY heard hurt now. This is precisely why you're not going home today or tomorrow. Maybe by the end off the week if you're behave yourself. The doctors might be lenient about letting you leave then," John countered tiredly and sunk deeper into his pillow. It was like talking to a brick wall at times with him, nothing registered in that massive intellect of his.

Mary patted John's hand then went and kissed Sherlock's forehead, "There. Does you're head feel better?" Sherlock nodded. "You'll be back on your feet in no time. Literally. Just rest, you really do need it." She then took Molly by the hand," You two need to rest. We will come back later with some things to keep you occupied and some clothes."

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**A-N: I hope you enjoyed this. So sorry for the delay in updating, but I've been writing the other multi chapter stories more. I couldn't just think of a good plot to write. See you in August. **


	3. Threw a Fit

**Chapter 3**

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_Mary patted John's hand then went and kissed Sherlock's forehead, "There. Does you're head feel better?" Sherlock nodded. "You'll be back on your feet in no time. Literally. Just rest, you really do need it." She then took Molly by the hand," You two need to rest. We will come back later with some things to keep you occupied and some clothes."_

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As soon as the women left, John slipped out of bed to check on his friend. His head was spinning with pain from the simple act of standing, but pushed it aside. "Hey Sherlock," John caught the arm that was still swing back and forth off the bedside, "How's your head feeling? Want to call in the nurse for medication?"

"No. I'm bored," Sherlock was perturbed. "I NEED something to do. Do you know where my mobile is? Never mind the headache it will go away soon."

"No, and I'm not going to find it for you. Besides, Molly or Mary might have it." John knew if Sherlock asked for his mobile, then that usually meant one thing, and always the same one thing. Some things never change. "I know what you're going to do: phone Lestrade for a past case to work on, which is not going to happen whilst here at hospital."

John opted to lie down again, stars were dancing in his eyes making him feel nauseous, but decided against it for many reasons. First of which was to make sure his crazed best friend didn't get them into more trouble than they already were in. Sherlock's highly tuned senses picked up on John's behaviours.

_ It was not good at all. John can't be hurt, he's John. _

"Obviously I was going to phone Lestrade. I needed to know what happened in this case which landed us here. A terrible inconvenience this is. Did they catch the criminals and finish everything?" Without waiting for a response he rushed on in his ramblings, "You should not be out of bed Dr. Watson. I can feel the air when you sway. You're unsteady on your feet and your head must be throbbing. Yes? I also suspect your vision is impaired to a degree due to the after effects of the concussion."

_"He HAD to be so observant in his surrounding. Ugh, it is near impossible to hide anything for him. I've tried on so many occasions and it doesn't work at all!"_

"Yes, Sherlock. Ever right you always are," John sneered and crawled under the duvet again drawing it up to his chin. "Happy now? I am in my bed resting." He actually was happy to lie down again, but wouldn't admit to Sherlock ordering him around. Just wouldn't be right and he would never hear the end of Sherlock's gloating about it.

"Quite so, can't have my doctor unwell or else who would I trust here?" Sherlock mentioned offhandedly causing John to do a double take at the words he just heard.

_Did Sherlock just pay a compliment without insulting in the process? _

He sank contently into his pillow and continued on,"So, exactly how long do I have to stay in this dreadful place? No more than a couple days I anticipate, right? I fear I might die of boredom before I recover. I believe that wouldn't look too appealing for the hospital's reputation, now would it?" John sighed, his friend never did concern himself about his own health deeming it 'too dull and boring'.

John draped his arm dramatically over his eyes, "No. Of course no Sherlock. Breathing is boring. Boring it may be but it is crucial for actually, you know, being alive. I hope your massive intellect knows that!

"Well, actually..."Sherlock began but was cut short with a frustrated sigh from his roommate.

"I refuse to grace that unintelligent comment with a sufficient response, now just sleep and when you're feeling better we can discuss your release." John turned his back to Sherlock and pulled the duvet tighter around him. Rest was the only thing he needed right now and talking with Sherlock was not helping at all in his recovery.

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**A-N: apologies for the delay in the story. I was at a road block I'm writing, and I was working on two new Sherlock series Multi-chapter stories. **

**Enjoy!**


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